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I know they say it’s one day at a time but in a week I’ll have f*cking 30 days!! That will be the longest I’ve been clean in years! But as of “just for today” It’s been 22 continuous days I’ve gone without putting a needle in my arm, taking a Xanax to calm me down, or buying a bottle of vodka when I couldn’t afford or find anything else. My mom talked to me for the first time today and I cried a little because I’m still ashamed of what I put her through. Sometimes I wonder how she still loves me after all the nights she laid awake wondering if I was ok. After all the times she found out money was missing. After all the holidays I ruined. I’m really happy that we talked and that she hasn’t given up on me. My therapist Brian is working with me on guilt and shame but also says its time to take some action to make things right and get past all this “self inflicted torture”. He challenges me and it pisses me off sometimes but I go with it. I also heard we have someone starting who does that EMDR stuff where you wear headphones and some beeping noises help you break through suppressed stuff in your subconscious. Sounds weird but hey whatevs I’ll try it. The barbecue tonight was good. Good fellowship for the most part. A couple of the other clients here don’t seem like they’re willing to do what it takes to stay clean but that’s none of my business (sips tea). Anyway, Glenn the house manager made¬†Bbq chicken , pork tenderloin , corn on the cobb , tomatoe and cucumber salad. Anyways, gotta meet with my sponsor in the morning and get off to work. ¬† -Jax