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Well… It’s day 18 and I have good news. I got a job! Nothing fancy yet but I’m really feeling good about it. I was so afraid and stressed out. So nervous filling out applications. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of working at these places (restaurants) Lol. Clearly I have some self esteem issues and Byrons group helps me with that. My therapist is cool and tells me as long as I stay clean & sober that I can literally do anything I want. We are practicing “delayed gratification”. I found a home group and my sponsor is pretty cool except for the fact that he doesn’t let me bullshit him which kind of pissed me off at first but now I know that’s one of the reasons I’m here, because I have an innate ability to bullshit myself. Glen the house manager is amazing. He talks about life and recovery with me most nights. Just those talks with the other people in the community seem to help me more than anything sometimes. 3 people got kicked out because they were trying to sneak and do dope on property and another guy got discharged because he did Kratom or kava or something weird like that. Idk. They seem to get those people out of here real quick which makes me feel better. Even the ones that keep secrets they ask to leave or give consequences. Negative contracting they call it. Idk man. I’m not as afraid as I was yesterday, not as depressed as I was yesterday, and I’m finally sleeping. Everyday is getting better.